Christmas - 2007

         MERRY CHRISTMAS -

from Dusty Rogue

      Counting the days until January 20, 2009                                         Thank goodness!

And when he steps off, for the last time, from Air Force One in Texas (with the words of his replacement still ringing in his ears:  "...preserve, protect and defend the Constitution) guess who is there to greet him? Cindy Sheehan. I think it would be fitting for all those parents who lost children in his unnecessary Iraqi War, to send him and VP Cheney Christmas cards inscribed: "Why did you murder my child?"  For the rest of their lives, he and Cheney must be reminded of the billions of taxpayers' money spent without reason, the damage they did to American law and order, and the thousands of lives  ruined by their warmonger decisions.

     What amazes me is that those who voted twice to put these mulish misleader's in the Oval Office refuse to hold them responsible. It was a hopeful sign in Bali on global warming when representatives of other countries grew tired of the U.S. bullying tactics and said: "We invite you to lead the way, but if you continue to block us, we have just one thing to say:  'Get out of the way!'" I remember what Bush said about the Kyoto Protocol when he was first given the office: "It does not suit our needs." What is the antecedent of "our"?  Oily corporations? I also enjoyed it recently when a Spanish Grandee said to Hugo Chavez:  "Sit down and shut up, you clown." Hugo is the Venezuelan leader who said he sniffed remnants of hell after he followed Bush to the speaker's stand.

     Ah, but I go astray. This was supposed to be a merry, merry Christmas blog. I must add a note of levity. Do you realize the next president in the White House won't have to measure for drapes in advance?                                          

                                       Writers' Strike

     I almost got beat up one time in the NY theater district at my brorther-in-law's establishment. Having forgotten that Joe Allen's was mainly a hangout for actors, I said too loudly that the playwright was far more important than actors. I became the focus of a tirade of insults, plus demands to know who I was to be so important. Joe wasn't there at the time, but the next day, when I dropped by to apologize for creating a disturbance, he asked me why I chose to cross swords with the actor who possessed the biggest mouth in the city.

     Both TV and movies are begging for new properties and for writers not out on the picket lines. Do you think I quietly chortle to myself about the importance of writers? You betcha I do. The entire entertainment business is finding out just how essential writers are. I haven't done much playwriting in recent years, but I'll do my best to fill in with a skeleton of a TV special. It's too late to get a production this year, but at least I'll try to write a vehicle that is warm and fuzzy. I'll try not to get too syrupy or tear jerky.

    

Santa Incognito

(A TV Christmas Special)

Characters

                                     Buddy – an 8-year old

                                     Ruth – his 5-year-old sister

John and Harriet Townsend – his wealthy parents

Sam Incognito – a bearded drunk

Max – taxi-driver

Fire Chief Smith

Two homeless people who sleep under the bridge

      (Along the street decorated heavily with Christmas cheer, BUDDY leads his sister. They look in a window.)

RUTH

      (Very smart for her age, points at the train circling around the store).

Is that what you want for Christmas? A train set?

BUDDY

No.  That’s just for little guys. I have something very special in mind. But I can’t tell, or I might not get it.

(Just then they spot Santa Incognito staggering along ahead of them. He is dressed in a rather ragged Santa suit. They follow him into an alley. Santa fumbles in his pockets and finds a half-pint of booze. He takes a swig. He moves along the alley and then leans against a building, takes out his corncob pipe, and lights it. Buddy and Ruth approach him).

BUDDY

Santa, are you okay?

SANTA

Uh, umm, no I’m not feeling good.

RUTH

Santa, do you want to come to our house? You can have some dinner and rest before Christmas.

(Santa looks somewhat confused but nods yes). (Ruth gets on her cellphone and tells her mother they are bringing a guest home for dinner and tells her mother to have money ready to pay the cab driver. Then she calls a cab).

CAB DRIVER

                  (getting out of cab)

What the heck is this? Did you call for a cab?

BUDDY

My sister did, but it’s okay. When we get home, our parents will pay you. Do you want to check with them on our phone? (The driver says that won’t be necessary. When he asks for the address, he whistles and comments that they live in a ritzy district, right next to the mayor. He tells Santa that he’ll have to put out his pipe before getting into the cab).

CAB DRIVER

You wouldn’t want to set my taxi on fire, would you now?

(Author’s Note:  This is what is known as “foreshadowing.” I learned that when I was studying playwriting under Professor John Gassner at the Yale Drama School. He also taught me what a “mise en scene” is, but I’ve forgotten. This is not unusual because no one else really remembers what it means either.)

      (When they burst in the front door and announce that they’ve found Santa, their father steps out on the porch, examines Santa, and tells the children to go inside. Their mother meets them at the door and leads them in.

Mr. Townsend

So, uh, Santa, how did you meet my kids and what are you doing with them?

(Santa stutters and swaggers a bit and Mr. Townsend realizes Santa is half-drunk. He tells him his children made a mistake and that Santa must leave the property. The father goes inside). (When Sam realizes he’s now alone, he sneaks around the house and finds a door that leads to the basement. He goes inside and makes himself at home. He finds a cot to curl up on. Before passing out, he lights his pipe). (Mr. Townsend tries to explain to his children why he had to send Santa away. Buddy is disappointed because it was Santa that he was hoping would help him get his special present. When he is alone with his sister, he explains that Santa has magical powers and he wants to learn magic. After they put on their pajamas, the mother tucks the children in bed. Mr. And Mrs. Townsend have the radio playing softly and choirs are singing in the background:  “Silent Night, Holy Night” etc. Night descends).

     Suddenly there is a loud outcry from the basement. “Fire, fire!” It is Santa Sam. Ruth reaches for cellphone and calls 911. Sam runs up the stairs to alert the family. When he tells them there is a fire in the basement and Mr. Townsend accuses him of setting it with his pipe. Meantime the mother has called the fire department.  Sam runs out the front door, shouting that it wasn’t his fault. The Fire Chief hurries into the house and down the basement steps. He soon returns and says the fire is out.

     The fire was started in the fuse box, which was overloaded by all the Christmas lights. He says whoever sounded the alarm saved the house from burning and maybe the lives of the family.

MR. TOWNSEND

     Oh, that poor man, we accused him of starting the fire but he saved our lives.

MRS. TOWNSEND

We must find him and bring him home for Christmas.

(But Sam is hard to catch because he thinks they are after him for lighting the fire. They finally catch up with him under the bridge, but are blocked by two of Santa’s friends, a black man and a woman. They explain that they want to invite Santa to Christmas dinner and that he should bring his two friends. Santa comes out of hiding, smiling from ear-to-ear! Buddy asks him if he will help him to learn magic. He reaches behind Buddy’s ear and shows not a coin, but nothing. Much laughter.  The father says he knows just the place for Santa Sam. A lady who runs a boarding house owes him some favors and he is certain that after Christmas they will find a nice home for Santa Incognito.

      At the Christmas dinner, Buddy lifts his cup of eggnog and drinks a toast to his new friends and then makes the cup disappear under a handkerchief. Cheering  & clapping.

THE END

What do you think?  Will Hallmark be knocking on my door? Probably not.

I'll wrap it up with greetings from Bob, Dusty (me), & Fairlie!

Son Bob has recently opened a boxing club in Warsaw, IN.  Check it out at:  boppinbob@BBBSW.net

From Boppin' O to Obama O,

Fairlie's website: http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/blog/fairliefirari