I made the mistake of thinking that no month could surpass the miserable events of September. The first bright blue days of October were very promising as every country celebrated the rescue of 33 miners in Chile. It seemed as if we had discovered a brave new world. But then the stuff hit the fan.
Near the end of the month, Mother Nature began to suffer from hot flashes that led to gigantic thunderstorms, tornadoes, and other monthly outbursts of horrendous disasters.
A bit earlier, the human side of nature had turned the midterm election into a vicious smearing of opponents’ reputations. Another hope bit the dust when the ladies, instead of engaging in civilized behavior, turned on the males like Black Widow Spiders and ridiculed their manhood with nasty phrases--“man-up.” So help me, if that half-baked Alaskan Screech Owl is elected president, I’ll buy a one-way ticket to Devil’s Island. I regret this puts me on the same side as Karl Rove, the graviturd, who said Palin is not qualified to be the leader of this country.
Although not running for` office, thankfully, the wife of Coke-Can Clarence resurrected Anita Hill charges of his being a dirty old man. Judge Thomas had presided at Rush Limbaugh’s third or fourth wedding. Tea-bagger Rush was busy salivating over castration of Obama. His new bride had better sleep with one eye open. This topic is really too disgusting to pursue.
To complete the dark side of recent times, I cold go on about the economy, joblessness, and foreclosures on homes. The behavior of the famous leaves much to be desired. A half-man trashing a hotel room. A cheating quarterback exposing himself in photos. I could go on and on, but this blog is supposed to be on the lighter side. I’m sorry that this time around I just can’t find any humorous side of life in America. Mentioning football reminds me of the dangerous helmet-to-helmet hits on the fields. Let the runners wear helmets with a steel claw embedded in the part of the helmet that protects the forehead. That way we can return to the days of the jousting knights.
Ah yes, Halloween brought a touch of frivolity to the somber scene, along with a carload of birthdays, including my own.
I’m not going to write about the Headless Horseman to avoid reminding you about the Texas lawman who was beheaded, while searching for the jet skier, the one who was shot on the lake. And I won’t discuss the brave, but foolish 20-year-old mother who has volunteered to be the police chief in a drug-ridden city.
The cry of “Trick or Treat” goes back at least 3,000 years, making Halloween one of our oldest celebrations. The Celtics built huge bonfires on hilltops and burned crops and animals to frighten away evil spirits, demons, and witches, none of them running for office.
Later, these ceremonies were mixed in with Roman Catholic commemorations of Saints. The tradition of bobbing for apples had its beginning when t pagans and Christians meshed their holidays to mark the beginning of winter.
This year’s Halloween received a much-needed boost from John Steward and Colbert as they attempted to Restore Sanity and help America rediscover the potency of humor. The attempts to be funny in the presence of such a huge crowd often fell flat and drew mixed reviews. I must confess that Stephen Colbert’s waspish humor often escapes me.
Here is a funny one. I missed being born on the day the spooks descended on earth by one day. Next year I’ll be as old as the protagonist in the song “My Grandfather’s Clock.”
It was the grandfather’s treasure and pride, but it stopped short, never to go again, when the old man died.
Ninety years, without slumbering: tick-tock, tick-tock.
You may not believe this, but shortly before my 89th birthday and Halloween, my talking wristwatch stopped short, never to talk again. By pressing buttons, it used to give me the time and date information. Now it has gone silent.
When it stopped short
And stopped talking,
I didn’t die, but started
Squawking:
“I know what I want for
My Birthday.”
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock
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Posted by: Assignments | November 12, 2010 at 07:26 AM